apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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