Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
high people should be assigned attendants
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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