There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
