Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
