I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
