were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
