The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
