You're completely useless in the revolution.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
