i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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