He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
