I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
