Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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