what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Drunk is a universal language darling
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
