If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
