i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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