So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
