Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
