Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
