I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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