on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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