Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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