I wanna bring you to show and tell
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
