She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
