drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
