is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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