Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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