i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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