his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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