I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
