My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
