I am in a vortex of obligation.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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