accomplished twins. life is a go
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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