I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
