peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
