I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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