My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
