afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
