Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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