You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
