Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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