I wish you could order shots online.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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