And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
