i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
