Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
