she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
