From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
