woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
