What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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