She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
