my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
