With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
