Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
