the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
That's how pantless uber rides happen
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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